It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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