I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
