how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
