There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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