we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
