I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
