I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Found your dick twin last night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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