apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
