We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
3pm strippers are depressing
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
