After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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