one might say we're banned from that church
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
