i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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