you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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