R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
