I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you would pick up someone in the library
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
