Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
is that a dick in a sweater?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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