I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
