I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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