You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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