I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
