My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
