My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
