I only kidnapped one of them. chill
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
