Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
