Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
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I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
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Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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