my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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