I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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