I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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