Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
