If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
