i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
