I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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