he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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