I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
