I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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