sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
