On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize