Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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