I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sponge bath it is.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
