no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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