I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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