Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
