Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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