I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
