Betty ford says i'm here all night
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Drunk is not a location!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
