i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
