barbara walters just said penis...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
