May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
