That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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