We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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