It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
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You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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