You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
