I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
