If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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