my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
