i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
