Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
