I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
