wat bout pragnant strippers??
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
