Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you traded sex for a burrito?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
