I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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