I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
