So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
