My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
