i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
