What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
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I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
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I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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