gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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