Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize