a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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