i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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