also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
