Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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