You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
