I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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