I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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