Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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