Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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