if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
