I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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