yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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