are you still at the devil's house?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
