Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
