i was born a porn star she said
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
