we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
