So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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