I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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